Many people have heard me say when I refer to the parenting of my children that I will either pay for college or pay for therapy. It’s likely I will pay for both unfortunately. The point is, I recognize that I am far from perfect and will likely screw up my kids in one way or another as most parents (unintentionally) do.

When my children were born and the days following their births, I had grand ideas of their tenure with me on this earth. After a while, those ideas got a bit watered down when I realized that those grand ideas had to be coupled with a full-time job, pursuing an MBA, and eventually, getting a divorce. Not so grand anymore.

Today I still hold on to the hope that I will be able to fulfill some of my original ideas. Like the one about making sure my children can talk to me about anything. Or the one where I promised that I’d help them figure out their gifts and passions so they wouldn’t waste their lives on the wrong ones. Or the one where I’d be there for them if they ever needed me.

Ok, those probably aren’t that grand. All parents have these goals. I would agree. But delivering on them in the face of adverse conditions is another story. Like when your child accidentally breaks a household item and because you had a bad day, you scolded him or her a bit too harshly. Hmmm – doesn’t exactly make them want to tell you everything. Or the times when I had meetings or appointments that couldn’t be rescheduled. Am I really there for them always?

In looking back over the past 14 plus years of parenting my children, I’ve done a lot right. But I’ve made a myriad of mistakes – some of which I can’t undo or change. Many of the behaviors my children have are a direct result of the way I handled certain situations. Experts say that your personality is set by age 7, so clearly there’s no going back now.

I look back now and then on the things my own parents did right and wrong in their parenting of me. Sure they could’ve encouraged me to find my “passion”, but my mom was raising six children. She was lucky to find her shoes! Maybe in their own way they did help me. I was good in school, so they recognized this and pushed me to always try my best. I showed some talent with the piano, so they made me continue to take lessons despite my whining.

Did they know of any of my other interests or talents? Did I ever consider sharing it with them? No. I’m not sure why but my guess is that my love of reading and writing paled in comparison to some other loftier talents.

I often tell parents that if you do the best you can, that’s all that you can expect. And I believe this. I do not wake up each day with the intention of creating a situation that my children will be relaying to a future therapist, but sometimes it happens. Sometimes the best of intentions go awry and I hear the little “cha-ching” of a psychotherapy bill looming along with college tuition.

But to expect to go through the parenting journey with no mistakes or mishaps is crazy. There are no manuals or instructions that tell you what to do. It’s a “seat of your pants” job and if you’re looking for step-by-step instructions, I’d suggest you might not be up to the task.

I may very well have to pay for therapy and college. That’s ok. In some weird way, my children will benefit from both!

Today, both of my children were out of the house by 7:00 am. My son is normally out at this time to catch the bus. My daughter, who had a field trip, was picked up by her father who was chaperoning the trip. I closed the front door at 7:05 am and stood for a moment in the silence in the wee hours of the morning. What to do now?

On a typical day, I drive my daughter to school by 9:00 am so my day typically starts by 9:30 am. But on this day, I was given the gift of nearly two whole hours. Let me say that again. Two. Whole. Hours. Can you say “happy dance”?

To a divorced mompreneur with two children, two hours is a lifetime. On the very rare occasions when I find myself with these miraculous pockets of free time, I plan them out to the nanosecond. But this one caught me by surprise. Somehow I didn’t connect the dots and realize that on this particular day, I’d be given this elusive gift.

So there I was standing in my dining room with a blank slate. Hmm. I could have another cup of coffee. No, I’m already supercharged. I could go back to bed. No, then I’m just being lazy. I know! I could work out on the treadmill and begin my journey (once again) of trying to lose the pesky ten pounds that people say I’m crazy to want to lose to which I respond that they are going blind. Naah. You see my dilemma.

Finally I walk over to my laptop, check email, balance my checkbook, and decide that I’m not going to throw away this gift. I decide that I’m going to do what I enjoy most – and that is writing. I check my notebook of potential blog post ideas and off I go. Write, post, write, post. It has a nice rhythm to it, don’t you think?

Now there will be some of you who will say that I “should” have just relaxed, read a book, went for a walk instead of “working”. You might be right. But writing to me is not working. I could do it all day and I’m convinced that I could write a book in a weekend if I actually had a free weekend.

It’s now about 9:20 am – the time I would be arriving back home from dropping off my daughter. I’ve managed somehow to cheat the clock today by two hours. I wonder if my day will seem longer because of this. I wonder if all of my to-do’s for the day will actually get done. I wonder if anyone will read these posts that were miraculously birthed in my precious two hours.

I encourage you to take advantage of that extra time that pops up now and then. Whether you choose to fill them with work or play, recognize them for what they are. A Gift.

And be sure to say “Thank You!”

I just finished reading, “Just Let Me Lie Down” by Kristin von Ogtrop. I recently had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Ogtrop at a local Ladies Who Launch event and she is just as she is in her book – funny, inspiring, a real mom. While reading about the trials and triumphs of her parenting journey and her quest to simply be able to lie down, my mind kept going back to the movie “City Slickers” and Mitch’s (Billy Crystal’s character) question of Curly (Jack Palance’s character) – “What’s the secret to life?”

Curly simply lifted his index finger. The message of course, was that the secret to life, to happiness, is to focus on one thing and do it really well instead of doing a million things and doing none of them well.  In theory I would agree with Curly. In practice, a little harder, especially for working moms. If they focus only on their career, their children and family suffer. If they focus on their families, their work suffers. How do you choose? Why do you have to?  Can’t moms have it all?

I suspect there are moms who can have it all IF they have the necessary support systems in place to help them succeed. A loving husband, partner, family member to help with the child-rearing responsibilities, a job that has flexibility, and perhaps a friend or two who can take over the car-pooling when they are stuck at work or ill. For many women, this is not the case.

Our society continually highlights the lives of celebrity moms who supposedly have it all, but they fail to mention that many of them have nannies, chefs, personal trainers, and chauffeurs who all help to keep the wheels moving. To the average American mother, a posse such as this does not exist. The multiple hats are worn by one, maybe two people. Add this logistics nightmare to the existing Supermom Syndrome and you have a recipe for one stressed out mommy.

Work demands force moms to make choices like leave early to attend their child’s recital and be viewed as a “slacker” or disappoint their child. I recall in my early career, before I had children, that moms were looked upon this way. People judged many working moms harshly. They didn’t work as hard, didn’t produce as much, or were not dedicated. I had no idea of the inner turmoil these women faced every day. Then I had kids.

The first day back from maternity leave was horrific. I cried when I left my son at his daycare provider’s house, I cried all the way to work. I struggled to keep my emotions
in check so I could at minimum respond to the myriad of emails that had accumulated during my maternity leave. I was blessed to have a very understanding manager (a man) who came to my desk about 2:00 pm and told me that I could go home. He understood how hard it must’ve been for me on that first day. This is a rare find in corporate America and I’ll never forget it.

Nearly every day I had choices to make. Do I put my kids first or my job? Being the primary breadwinner in our family, most of the time, I chose my job.  Did I make poor choices at times that impacted either my work or my family or both? I sure did. Did I give up taking my kids on a summer vacation many times because I felt compelled to be at work? You bet. Did I stay home with a sick child and feel guilty all day? Yup.

My children are older and now I am at home running my own business. The days of having to choose between my work or my kids are behind me, for now. But for many women, this is an ever-present reality. They must work or for some, they want a career. So how do we make this work out so everyone wins?

I sound like a broken record, but I just know that it comes down to the village concept again. If we involve our respective “parenting villages” then there’s got to be a way, right?  Assign certain people the tasks they are good at and enjoy and the job gets done. Isn’t that how teams work? There aren’t 5 quarterbacks on the football field at
once – there’s an entire team working together to win the game.

We need to rally around parents more. Employers, schools, community all need to come together and embrace each child and provide the support that parents need to raise their children and not lose their minds, or their jobs. Because don’t we all want the same outcome? Employers want happy employees. Parents want well-adjusted children. Seems to me that if we have a common goal, then we should be helping our team achieve it.

Focus on one thing and do it well. Let’s focus on building our parenting villages so that everyone can win.

Recently in my Toastmaster’s meeting, a woman about my age was giving a Table Topic speech. While I don’t recall the exact topic, I do remember that it was about parenting. And she said something that has stuck in my mind now for about a week.

She described a day when her daughter forgot to bring her trumpet to school which she needed for band practice. By the time she realized she’d forgotten it, they were already at school. The daughter looked at her mother and said “You’re not the kind of mother who would go home and get it for me, are you?” To which the mother, my Toastmaster colleague responded, “Nope.”

While I chuckled at the delivery of her speech, it gave me pause as, uh, well, I AM that kind of mother. Ut oh. Is that bad? There have been countless times I’ve driven back home and retrieved forgotten lunches or homework or money for a field trip and not thought twice about it. Why wouldn’t I? Isn’t that my “job”?

After listening to her speak a bit more on the havoc overindulging our children can wreak, I began to think about my own potential overindulgent behaviors in years past. While my intent was to help my children succeed, have I instead, shown them that no matter what they forget or don’t do, Mom is here to bail them out? I have to admit, I might be guilty.

To clarify, it’s really only been in the past few years that I have had the luxury of “fixing” these minor problems since I am now a mompreneur with a workplace that is less than 10 minutes from either of my children’s schools. There’s no manager to call and inform that I’ll be late for a meeting due to a forgotten peanut butter and jelly sandwich. There’s no traffic to ‘beat’ from leaving a few minutes later than usual. So it’s easy for me to help them out.

But am I helping? As I listened to this woman speak about letting her child experience the consequences of her actions and how beneficial this would be as she got older, I had to wonder if my actions were doing more harm than good.

I remember reading or hearing that children in China (or maybe it’s Japan) focus solely on school work. They do no chores, prepare no meals, and clean no rooms. Their parents (or mostly their mothers) take care of everything so that they can focus on the one job they have – school.  I remember thinking – hmm – maybe we should adopt this same approach here in America and our children would be doing better in school.

Not knowing much of the Asian culture, I do not know if this system is working out well or not but it appears Asian children do much better in school than American children. However, how are they doing with the rest of their lives? Do they know how to make a bed? Clean a bathroom? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I have been given a potential wake-up call to begin to curb my “I’ll save you” activities for more of a hands-off approach so that my children learn that there really are consequences to their actions and there will be days, many of them most likely, when no one can save them and they will need to fend for themselves. Yikes!

Truth be told, I have been feeling a bit “put upon” with what my children have come to expect from me so perhaps this woman’s speech was more timely than even she knew. It is hard to see your children struggle and fail, but as adults we know that failure is a part of life and it is from our failures that we learn and grow.

While neither of my children will die from a forgotten lunch or field trip permission slip, I’m not sure about the bigger challenges like test preparation or homework. But if they are to grow and thrive, then they will need to learn to stand on their own two feet and who must be their first and best teacher? Me.

So, as I begin to pull back, I challenge you to join me. Are you doing too much for your children? Are you preventing them from experiencing the consequences of their choices or actions? If so, then join me in saying, “Sorry honey. You’re on your own.”

It snuck up on me and I didn’t even see it coming. Like many of you who try to pay attention to the subtle changes in your child’s development, I too do my best to keep my ears and eyes open. But I was completely caught off guard on this one.

My children have called me lots of things throughout their lives.  I remember hearing both of my children say “Ma” as one of their first words. I say “one of” because my son’s first word was not that treasured “title” but the name of a beautiful little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl named “Annie” from his daycare class. While all the other moms basked in their child spitting out “Ma”, I had to live with “Ahh..neee”.

Thanks honey. I can see where your loyalties are. Luckily my daughter redeemed her brother by speaking my name first. During their early toddler years, I got very used to being called “Mama” which I thought was odd since most kids call their mom “Mommy.” I really liked it though as it had a bit of ‘old-school’ attached to it and it also reminded me of my own mother, born in South Carolina, calling her mother by the same name.

Along the way, “Mama” would sometimes turn into “Mommy” or plain ol’ “MA!” when things didn’t quite go their way. Recently, however, I’m noticing a new change to my title. Instead of the aforementioned names, I’ve now become “Mom”. “Mom, what’s for dinner?” “Mom, can I have a sleepover?” “No, Mom. I don’t have homework.” (Yeah right!)

When did this happen? And more importantly, how? What did I do to deserve this promotion, if in fact it is one. When I hear the word “Mommy” I think of warm, fuzzy blankets and cuddles. “Mom” has a whole other connotation…one of being serious and more “grown up.”

I guess it had to happen. My children are now 11 and 14. At some point a mother moves from the nurturing, cuddly, safe haven to more of an advisor or coach. My conversations with my children now revolve around schoolwork, activities, and chores. So very different than a few years ago when all that was on their minds was what movie we were going to watch on our beloved Friday pizza nights.

We’re all told to enjoy our children because they grow up so fast. This is true. Everything is “so fast” these days – not just our children’s growth. Each week that passes, I struggle to remember what the previous one looked like. While I journal about my children all the time so that I don’t lose the memory, this does nothing to slow down their development into young adults. And this makes me sad.

Sad for the days of holding my babies in my arms for hours without them squirming or saying “Let go, Mommy.” Sad for the days of watching them sleep in their cribs looking like little angels. Sad for the days of them running up to me when I would pick them up from daycare and tem folding into me like a warm blanket.

But just as you can’t keep a caterpillar from blossoming into its destiny as a beautiful butterfly, neither can you stop your children from growing up. I will always treasure those early days but I also will treasure this time as well watching them become all they can be in spite of my feeble attempts at parenting them.

I can’t stop time nor turn back the clock, but every now and then, I get lucky.  Once in a great while, I get a glimpse of those early years. Every now and then, I return to a simpler time.

At the end of a long day when all is quiet and the kids are in bed, I’ll hear “Goodnight Mommy.” And all is well with the world once again.

The other day I was speaking to a friend about my two children’s personalities and how very different they are. “At times I feel like I’m bipolar,” I said. “I parent one child one way and the other completely different.” Sometimes I forget which is which! After reading a post in the Prime Parents Club blog, I see I am not alone. Thank goodness!

I have known, or shall I say suspected, that my children would have completely different personalities simply from the way they were born. My son entered the world without a sound, but with eyes wide open. His teachers would be surprised to hear this. My daughter’s entrance could be heard around the world. Her teachers would NOT be surprised to hear this!

To this day, those early moments depict their personalities to a “T”. Either way,  parenting them in a way that matches their individual personalities leaves me in a tailspin some days. With my son, I need to be short and to the point in our discussions, or shall I say “chats”. He’d never sit long enough for a full discussion with me. My daughter and I could talk for days. (Much to my son’s chagrin!)

It took me a while to really understand that you can’t parent your children the same. They are not the same. They are not robots. Even identical twins have different personalities. Why did it take me so long? No idea. I think the light bulb went off after I became a single parent. When you raise children on your own, you tend to spend more time with them and see the idiosyncrasies of their personalities a bit more.

For example, both of my children have a chore list that they complete each week. One day my son asked me why my daughter had fewer chores than he had. He adamantly claimed that this was not fair. I explained to him that he was better at the chores that were quicker to complete, had few steps, and were repetitive like taking down the garbage cans each week. My daughter is better at multi-step, complex chores like cleaning up the dinner dishes.

When I explained to him that the reason I assigned the chores this way was to capitalize on their individual strengths, he looked at me and said, “Yeah, you’re right.” (I don’t get to hear that too often, so believe me, when I do, it’s a moment!)

My son realized that the chore list was not unfair, but rather the exact opposite in that it fit each of their personalities perfectly. Now, will it always be this way? No idea.  But I will say that it is my daughter who relishes cleaning out her room a few times a year whereas this makes my son’s skin crawl!

Taking the time to know and understand your children and their strengths and weaknesses takes time and attention. I’m not saying that chore assignment took a boatload of time and attention, but things like discipline, awarding privileges, discussions of sensitive topics all must be handled in a way that suits your child’s individual needs.

I enjoyed reading this latest post in the Prime Parents Club blog. It eased my mind in that there are other parents who deal with similar situations and not only am I not alone, but I’m probably not bipolar either.

How do you handle your children’s different personalities when it comes to parenting?

It’s almost Mother’s Day. Children everywhere are busying themselves with trying to find the perfect gift for their special mom. Little ones are creating treasured arts/crafts projects, while older ones are trying to figure out just what to get on their limited budgets. But is it the gifts we receive that will make the day memorable?

I’ve had the pleasure of having fourteen Mother’s Day celebrations with my children. Each year brings something new. When I was married, my husband would pick out a lovely piece of jewelry or flowers from the children. Today’s gifts are slightly, shall we say, less “manufactured” and are comprised of things like homemade cards, pictures, coupons for hugs and kisses or, my favorite, breakfast in bed.

My first breakfast in bed experience was interesting to say the least. The first surprise was that both of my children worked together to bring it to fruition. I had my trusty bowl of cereal awash in a gallon of milk, a steaming hot cup of coffee that I still don’t know how they made the way I like it. And the best part…they entered my room (at an ungodly hour for Mother’s Day!) with broad smiles on their faces knowing that they had accomplished a real feat.

We chatted for a bit but then they left so that I could have my coffee in “peace and quiet” as they said. After a few minutes however, I realized that it wasn’t peace and quiet I wanted as I drank my Mother’s Day coffee, but rather the company of my two children who had worked so hard to give me a bit of down time which they both knew I desperately needed.

I called them back into the room and we sat on my bed and talked for a bit. Soon after, the busy-ness of the day took over and it quickly became “Kid’s Day” once again. (I mean really, did I think I was going to get a WHOLE day just for me?!)

This Mother’s Day – at least a part of it – my daughter will be away on a Girl Scout trip. It will just be me and my son for a good part of the day. What will greet me that morning? Will it be my favorite cereal? Will it be a cup of coffee? Or will it simply be me and my son sharing a moment of “peace and quiet” together.

No matter what the day turns out to be, or what “gifts” I get, I’ll treasure it always because without my two children, I’d not have this day at all.

Wishing all moms a wonderful Mother’s Day. May you be blessed with a few moments of “peace and quiet” and may you always be surrounded by love and smiles from your children.

“It was simpler back then.” I remember my parents saying this to me many times when they referred to their own childhoods. Despite living through the Great Depression and all of its hardships, somehow they viewed that time as simpler than their adult lives raising children. Were they right?

I look back on my own childhood and think similar thoughts. It was simple. I went to school, practiced piano, sang in the church choir, played with my friends, and watched a little TV (we only had maybe 10 channels, so when I say “little” I mean little!). Normal stuff right?

What’s the life of a child today? They go to school, likely participate in a sport or other activity, play with their friends, and watch A LOT of TV. Pretty similar, right? So why was it simpler when I was a child? My feeling is that it really wasn’t, it just seemed like it was because we are looking back with a selective memory.

I’m certain my mother did not feel it was simpler when she was raising six children nearly single-handedly as my father worked three jobs to support us. It was her job to cart everyone to activities, prepare meals, fix things, and make sure the house ran smoothly. I struggle doing this with two children – and she had six!

Speaking of simple – two of my favorite TV programs when I was growing up were “The Waltons” and “Little House on the Prairie”. I would always say to my mom that I really thought I was born in the wrong time period. I would tell her that things seemed so simple, so straightforward back then. Everyone knew their role and accepted that it was an important part of family life.

Back then, women were responsible for raising the children, cooking the meals, tending to the house while the men worked, hunted, and took care of the land. Children helped with chores and were expected to go to school and do their homework so they’d have a better life.

No one complained about their job. They accepted it as being a vital part of their life. Quite frankly, it was critical for their very survival.  Without the man hunting for food, his family would starve. Without a mom caring for the children and home, the family unit
would crumble. While I suspect there were a few for whom this role was not all it was cracked up to be and they chose a different path, for the most part, it appears anyway, people were content.

Today it is more complicated. To live in America, it’s likely both parents work outside the home. Children are in daycare or afterschool programs from dawn ‘till dusk to accommodate the parent’s working schedule. Evenings and weekends are jammed with children’s activities, house projects, and other ‘catch-up’ tasks neglected due to a full schedule during the week.

Parents are exhausted. Children are stressed. Systems are broken. Government is corrupt. Schools are failing. Will our children look back on their childhoods and think it was a simpler time? I don’t know the answer. My sense is no – they will not. My sense is that because the economy is causing so many hardships on parents and children these days that it is forcing us all to cut back and simplify our lives as we all long for peace in our homes and in our hearts.

Are we finally realizing that the harried days of the past can be no more if we want to keep our sanity? I continually hear from friends and colleagues that they are trying to simplify their lives. They are accomplishing this by ridding themselves of years of clutter. Tag sales in my town abound. (I’ve had three of them myself!) Charity trucks can be seen all over the neighborhood picking up those unwanted and really never-needed items. Large houses are being exchanged for smaller ones or in some cases, a condo or apartment. Why? Simple. We have too much. And all that ‘stuff’ is causing our lives to be over-complicated and over-stressed.

Simplifying is always a good thing in my opinion. It forces you to focus on what’s really important. And in the end what is really important are those human connections we create and build upon. What’s really important is the love and attention we give to friends and family, not possessions.

Our legacies to our children must be built of more than memories of rushed days and stressful nights that flew by in a blur. Be present. Teach your children to live in this moment. Because truly, it’s all we really have.

I spent yesterday afternoon with my daughter at an event called “Building a Future from the Past” hosted by the Wilton Historical Society. This event included a panel of distinguished architects from Fairfield County, CT and New York City. No, I am not giving up my Purposeful Parent hat to become an architect. (I was good in math but not so good in art, which I’m told are two key ingredients for being a good architect!). I was there with my daughter.

Let me tell you about how we ended up at this event on a lovely spring day. My daughter was given a project in her Academically Talented program at school to design a house for a family. It had to reflect the needs of the family as well as their wants. She had to draw the design, mapping out all of the rooms, walls, windows, doors, etc. It had to be drawn to spec and follow certain guidelines.

She has done many projects in this class, but she really was pumped up about this one. When it was completed, she was very excited to show it to me. I have to say I was impressed! I thought it’d be a good idea to have her meet a practicing architect and see what this profession is really all about.

I posted a note in Facebook and interestingly enough, the former secretary at her school responded with the name of an architect she knows and voila! I contacted him and we were invited to the event where she would get to meet not one, but ten architects! She would witness them participating in a panel discussion on the importance of saving and restoring old houses while incorporating elements of today’s technologies.

When it came time for the audience to ask questions, she whispered to me that she wanted to participate. I asked her what her question was and she said “I want to know the difference between a bad architect and a good architect.” I recommended to her that she simply ask what makes a good architect so that she would know what to strive for should she choose this profession.

So, in a room full of adults, my 11-year old daughter, raises her hand and says “All of you said that there are good architects and bad architects. What makes a good architect?” (Ok…picture me beaming about now…) I saw a few smiles erupt on some faces and recognized immediately this was a great question to ask. (More beaming!)

A few of the architects responded and told her that there are many aspects to being a good architect. They explained a few of these qualities. They also told her that her question was a very difficult one to answer. (More beaming!)

After the panel discussion, she had the opportunity to share her home design with a few of the architects. She clearly explained her reasons for designing things the way she did.  She spoke of the guidelines and constraints she had to work with, and answered
their questions so professionally and clearly that I forgot she was only eleven! Her teacher would’ve been so proud!

To top it all off, the architects were so gracious, so inviting and welcoming to her that her original fear of talking with them dissipated in minutes. The panel moderator offered to display her design alongside the designs of these very talented and accomplished professionals. Talk about beaming! We were both floating!

The net of all of this is that whether or not my daughter chooses to be an architect or not, she had the opportunity to meet with people she never would’ve met and discuss a topic for which she has a real interest. The architects were so genuine and open with her. One even invited her to his office. All of them encouraged her to continue to follow her passions no matter what they may be.

After we left, my daughter asked me how she did. After I swallowed the lump in my throat from the immense pride I felt for her, I told her she did fantastic. I told her that she made a great impression and that these people will likely remember her for quite some time. I also explained to her that this one action – attending an event – led to an even greater outcome than either of us could have imagined with her design on display in this historical building.

“Never be afraid to get out and try something new,” I told her. “You never know where it may lead.”

When your child shows an interest in something, go the extra mile and explore it with them. Perhaps have them meet someone who does what they want to do for a living. People are always willing to help. Just ask!

For those of you following me on Facebook, you know that my week has been consumed with what I have lovingly dubbed the “2012 Spring Cleaning Project.” For several days, I have scrubbed, dusted, vacuumed, sorted, discarded, and re-organized six rooms of my house. While there are a few more to go, the house already feels and looks better.

The other day, I tackled my bedroom. Not that this is the messiest room in the house but its closet is where I store mementos, gifts, my kids’ journals and of course, my own. There are at least 20 journals filled from cover to cover with my thoughts, feelings, hopes and visions for the future. As I re-organized them on the shelf, I wondered if I should box them up and place them in the attic so that I might retrieve more precious closet space. Somehow that seemed wrong.

For the past 10-15 years or so, on and off, I have written in my journal nearly every day. The first few are small notebooks, others are more decorative, and my most recent is “A Woman’s Journal”, (which is my favorite), was given to me by a friend years ago. This journal is now out of print and I have scoured the Internet to try to find more. While Amazon did produce a few somewhat battered copies, I recognized that maybe it is time to move on and try a new style. It feels odd, but change can be good.

As I was sifting through the many journals, I thought that there will come a day when I’m no longer here and these will be left for my children to do with as they please. Let’s hope they don’t sell them on e-Bay!

If they do choose to read them, they will see that their mom was a complex person – filled with dreams and hopes for herself and for them. Additionally they will see that there were times when I was completely frustrated, stressed, and ready to give up. Either way, they will likely see sides of me they were never aware of because while I do have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, my kids rarely see that.

On days when I’m in a good place and can see the purpose in my life, my journal
entries are uplifting – even inspiring, if I do say so myself. On those days, when I ponder my existence, the entries are, well, let’s just say… not so uplifting. But wouldn’t that be true for anyone? Am I really any different than the millions of moms out there today who are just trying to do the best they can?

You may ask then why do I journal on those not-so-great days? Why don’t I just skip writing when I’m not in my happy place? Aren’t I concerned about what my kids will think when they read these entries? Not really. You see, if and when my children decide to read my journals (it’ll likely be my daughter who will want the dirt on her mom. My son will be bored after page one!), they will see their mom perhaps as a flesh and blood human being, not the “figurehead” who chauffeurs them to sports activities, nags them about homework and bribes them to eat their vegetables. They’ll see that being a parent is not all peaches and cream but rather an uphill climb that requires strength, patience, consistency, and faith.

Yes, my kids will see my weaknesses. Yes, they will see my flaws. But they also may see that I loved them more than life itself and while parenting was not easy, it’s the best job I’ve ever had. Despite me writing about how there were days when I wanted to “kick them both to the curb”, they are the loves of my life and they teach me every day that I have to push through my weaknesses and utilize my strengths to help both them and me in our life’s journey.

Think about your own legacy to your children. Will it be a prized piece of jewelry or will it be something more? It’s the “something more” that they will remember and treasure. I encourage you to investigate what that means for you today so that they’ll have something from you tomorrow.